it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
