I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The uberlube is also flammable
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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