btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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