Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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