what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
