Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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