I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
