It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
