Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
