I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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