I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
