she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
