wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
