I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
