we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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