what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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