Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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