hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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