yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
