i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
