Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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