chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
