i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
