i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
