If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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