I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
