dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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