apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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