p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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