come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
