i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
