I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
