Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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