What a fucking waste of an outfit
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
