I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
