i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
