Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
No subtext here. People are naked.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
