no, he came in my armpit
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
