Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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