its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
