I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
