I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
