there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
