Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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