yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
