I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
