I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
My pussy is not your playground.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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