Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
