chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Ladies don't puke and tell
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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