Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
being pregnant is like rehab
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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