my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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