I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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