you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Drake has all the answers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
