Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
